Loki the Broken God
by FrostedChanges
Summary: This is just a little angst and brotherly love story I thought of. It takes place after Ragnarok, but doesn't really contain any spoilers. Besides that there is a Trigger!Warning in places for mentions of self harm and a mildly graphic scene containing it.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! I decided to write a bit of an angst filled brotherly fluff kind of story with Loki and Thor. Loki is by far my favorite character so I'm going to make him out to be a better guy than Marvel does! Anyway, thank you for reading my story and I hope you enjoy it!**

 **I don't own Thor, Loki, or any other MCU characters that may appear in this story.**

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Loki stared at the ceiling from bed on the escape ship. He kept going over the past week in his head, and he couldn't quite figure anything out. Why had he come back for Thor? Why was he still here? He sighed softly to himself and slowly sat up and ran a hand through his hair. While it was true that, contrary to popular belief, he didn't hate his brother. They never agreed on anything, and staying… It felt detrimental to their relationship.

He stood slowly and made his way over to the mirror. He wasn't sure how long he had stayed in bed; he figured it was at least past breakfast, and likely lunch by the sound of his stomach. He shook his head slightly and let his eyes gaze run over his reflection. He knew he was thin, thinner than even his brother knew thanks to the illusions he cast. He slowly pulled his night shirt over his head before turning his attention back to the mirror with disgust.

His body was riddled with scars, more than even Thor had as an accomplished warrior. Some were dull and faded, while others were pink with healing. Though he wouldn't admit it to his brother, he had received very few in battles. There were some that came from torture, some from his imprisonment on Asgard, and others from his imprisonment with the chitauri. Though his brother didn't know of that either.

But there were some scars that littered his form that brought more shame than others. He had parallel scars running up his arms and down his thighs, scars he had given himself. Some came in order to remind himself he was alive; others from the anger at himself for becoming the monster people feared him to be. But the deepest scars came from the darkest times, the times he didn't want to be alive.

By now Loki had lost track of time as he gently ran his fingers over different scars on his body. He had memory after memory flashing through his head. Some were good, memories of his childhood and brother. Some were of his torture and imprisonments. Finally everything was just too much. He sank to the ground, using his magic to conjure one of his daggers, and slowly he dragged it across his skin.

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Thor stalked off to his brother's room. He was partially irritated and partially concerned. Loki had been locked away in his room since last night. While he would have normally taken this in stride; his brother never missed an opportunity to witness Thor try to handle political matters.

Once he reached the room he pushed open the door without even a second thought. "Loki whatever you are trying to prove needs to stop right…" He trailed off in shock, his eyes glued to the scene in front of him. The first thing he noticed was the scars covering his brothers back, but when Loki turned in confusion all he could see is the streams of red on man's arms, and the bloody dagger that Loki held so tightly.

Loki shot to his feet anger pulsing through him. He summoned a robe and slid it over his form before making the dagger disappear. "Why do you refuse to knock Thor!" He snapped venom dripping from his voice. "Get out now! I don't desire any company especially yours!" He went to turn away, not expecting his brother to do as he said, but in the hope that Thor would take a hint. However what he didn't expect was a large hand to grab his shoulder and force him to turn around.

"What is the meaning of this Loki!? And none of your lies brother it is time for the truth!" Thor looked murderous, but not at Loki himself. When it came to his younger brother and what he saw he was confused and frightened, but he knew all of those wounds could not have been self inflicted. "You have more scars than any warrior I know, and that includes father and myself. Not to mention what you have done to your arms." He forcefully yanked up Loki's sleeves and glared down at the bleeding lines.

"And what do you want to hear brother?" Loki snapped ripping his arms away. "Do you want me to tell you I got them in an honored battle as you got yours? Or rather that I did something terrible and earned them as punishment?" He growled before yanking off his robe and holding out his arms. "But no brother you want the truth." He gave a spiteful grin and humorless chuckle. "You want to hear how I was captured when I fell from the bridge. How I was pushed to death only to be brought back for more cruelty. You want to hear how they pushed me to the breaking point until I agreed to do their bidding." Loki turned away in anger and began pacing.

"No no, you would like to hear of the scars that came from your friends when I saved my own life attacking Migard." He turned and looked to Thor. "How about I tell you of the ones I received in our own cells. How the guards did whatever they wished seeing as I was a traitor to the crown." The longer he talked the less angry he became, and the more sorrow showed through. "Though I can bet you are most curious of the ones on my arms you see bleeding today." He looked down at his own body and shook his head. "Of the scar that is my body, my protruding ribs, stretched skin, the skeleton I have become."

Loki dropped himself into a chair and put his head in his hands. "These are the scars given to me by a true monster, given to me by myself. It started when we were young, with the anger from my pranks and the hateful stares of your friends. I convinced myself if I made myself stronger than I would be well liked. As I grew so did my reasons for continuing. To remind myself I was alive, to destroy the monster within me, to destroy… Me." He gave another chuckle void of humor as he lifted his head once more to gaze at Thor.

"Food became another punishment. If I did well I was to eat, and if I did wrong I was to starve. As you may imagine I missed plenty of meals." He tore his eyes away from Thor and held his arms out once more. "And there you have it brother, those are my scars." He said before sighing heavily. "Please now just leave me in piece so I may retrieve any dignity I have left."

Thor didn't leave though, he didn't move at all for a moment; then when his brain had finally caught up he fell to his knees in front of Loki. "Oh brother." He whispered first cupping the man's cheek before pulling him into a tight hug. "I am never leaving you again, that much I promise." He held his brother close, staying still until he finally felt his brother's arms wrap around him. And if he felt the tears on his chest, he never did say.

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 **And there we go! Let me know if I should continue this chapter or leave it as it is! Also just review with any comments you might have! Thanks again for reading!**

 **Byezz!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! So I'm back with another chapter for our dear beloved Loki. This chapter will be a bit more graphic so I would like you to read on with caution. But as always I hope you enjoy.**

 **I do not own Marvel or Thor. You can thank Disney for that.**

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Loki woke slowly and looked around the room in confusion. It took him a moment to realize he wasn't in his own room but rather Thor's. He took some time to gather himself, remembering the conversation he had with his brother the morning before. He sighed softly and pulled himself up in the bed before looking over at Thor.

The god of thunder was slumped back in a chair looking rather uncomfortable. Loki stared at him trying to piece together exactly how he had ended up in Thor's room instead of his own. He brought up a hand to run it down his face when he was distracted by the white bandage wrapped around the appendage. It came back to him slowly, their fight, his running…

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Loki shoved Thor away after a moment; it was too much for him at that point. He stood and walked away from his brother each step feeling heavier. "I wish to be alone Thor." He said firmly hoping that the dense god would take a hint. But he just ended up giving a low growl as Thor tried to pull him back. "Would you like to lose your other eye as well?!" He snapped as he stepped away.

Thor looked at Loki with a sad expression. "Brother I simply wish to help you." He whispered, trying to keep his own temper in check. He knew arguing with Loki would not help either of them. In all honesty it would likely make the situation worse. But at this point he knew he couldn't turn away from his brother, not when the young god was like this.

Loki stalked away from the king, his suit appearing to cover his body. "If I desired company, or someone to talk about this with, I would have come to you myself. Now leave me alone!" Loki shoved past his brother and walked out the door. He didn't know where he was going, but he needed to be away from this.

At this point Thor couldn't hold his temper anymore. He stormed after Loki and grabbed him roughly forcing him to stay still. But the problem came that in his anger he didn't see Loki flinch under the harsh treatment. "Loki that is enough! I have had enough of your childish ways! We are going to talk about this do you understand!" He yelled, not caring about the attention that he was drawing toward them.

Loki on the other hand did care. He began to shrink under their gazes his breathing speeding up. His head whipped around, looking but not truly seeing. There were too many people, not enough air to breath. He shoved Thor back roughly, knocking himself down with the momentum. He scrambled backward for a moment before standing up and running, his form disappearing mid run.

The young god didn't know where he was when he reappeared, his magic just taking him away so he could feel safe. He dropped down onto his knees his head touching the floor as his chest heaved and he tried to draw in air. One hand came up to his chest and started clawing at the front of his clothes. He conjured his dagger up and cut the fabric roughly, just wanting the ability to draw in a breath.

It felt as though the world was spinning around Loki that he was falling into the water and could no longer take a breath. He let out a choked sob as he fell onto his back and stared up at the ceiling of the ship. His hand shook as he brought the dagger to his skin and dug it in roughly. Blood poured from the wound and Loki took a rough breath. Then he did it again and again. He felt something warm and sticky covering his hand and chest, but he wasn't piecing together that it was his blood.

He sat up and brought the blade to his arm, but he didn't stop after the first cut. He kept going, getting more frantic the cuts getting deeper. His mouth felt like cotton, but at least he could breathe. Or at least he thought he was breathing. The world began to spin more as he felt himself falling back against the cold metal of the ship, his dagger clattering as it fell onto the floor beside him.

His head lolled to the side slightly when he heard a door being slammed open. He could hear muffled voices and see blurry forms rushing toward him, but this time he couldn't ward this off. He couldn't help the small smile that graced his lips as he realized that he may finally be free. But then the last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was Thor with tears running down his face.


End file.
